In Her Hands
by loverswalk89
Summary: It's up to Buffy to grant the Shanshu Prophesy to either Angel or Spike, who will she chose? The love of her life Angel or the vampire that's stuck by her side throughout everything. And how will she react when she knows Spike is alive? Pairings Bangel & Spuffy
1. Chapter 1 - Breaking Out & Breaking Down

In Her Hands

A/N: It's up to Buffy to grant the Shanshu Prophesy to either Angel or Spike, who will she chose? The love of her life Angel or the vampire that's stuck by her side throughout everything. And how will she react when she knows Spike is alive?

CHAPTER ONE

'_Breaking Out & Breaking Down'_

_*The end will never come, there's still a mountain left to climb, but we will overcome the hurdles placed inside our minds, so close, but still so far, each day will bring us brand new scars, what are we fighting for, we cannot live like this no more cause in the thick of darkened days, we know…*_

_Angel stood bloodied and battered, wincing slightly he pulled his cell phone from the inside pocket of his jacket and dialled the number. Letting out a sigh he waited as it rang._

"Hello?" Buffy's voice was heard.

"Buffy it's me... I need your help" he said.

Three days earlier...

Wesley slapped a folder full of paperwork into Angel's desk.

"What's this?" Angel asked.

"The shanshu, in here somewhere is the key to unlock it so to speak" said Wesley

"You still believe in this?" Angel raised his eyebrow

"Of course... Don't you?" Wesley asked

Angel paused for a moment collecting his thoughts. For a long time the prophesy had kept him going knowing that maybe one day he'd achieve his redemption. But of late he'd started to lose faith and decided that maybe the prophesy was a load of crap, a little story to keep him on the straight and narrow.

Just at the wrong moment Spike bird through the door "Hello Campers" he greeted cheerfully.

"Spike we were in the middle of something of great importance" scolded Wesley

"Oh interrupting something was I?" Spike asked

"Yes something of great importance" said Wesley

"Right..." He took a seat "so what's the what?" He said smugly

Wesley rolled his eyes "nothing do to with you Spike... Angel tell him" he said flustered.

"Shanshu" said Angel

"That old bollocks again?" Sighed Spike

"It is not as you say 'bollocks' this is important to Angel" Wesley said.

"It was important, but with everything going on around here... It can wait" said Angel.

"There's nothing going on around here Angel…Spike can take over your day to day duties surely"

"Sod that!" Spike spoke up

"Spike I do wish you'd start pulling your weight around here if you are going to be a part of the team" Wesley said folding his arms.

"Look how do you even know that this prophesy is even about Angel?" Asked Spike

"Why shouldn't it be?" Argued Wesley

"Vampire with a soul? There's two of us now. He got his soul thrust upon him, I won mine... Who's to say it's not about me?" He asked

"Spike you were the worst vampire known to the council second only to-"

Angel butted in "Me... Look Wesley he does have a point"

Spike smiled smugly at Wesley

"You can't be serious?" Wesley questioned

"Actually I am... If anything I'm proving a point to old Spikey here..." Said Angel

"How's that?" Asked Spike

"You think you're the vampire the prophesy is talking about?" He asked

"I could be" said Spike

"Or maybe you just want it because it's yet another thing to take away from me?"

"Oh that's bollocks Angel, you were always the one to take things away from me remember?" Spike said bitterly

"I never took anything away from you that didn't want to be taken William" Angel smiled

Something in Spike snapped and he flew at Angel pinning him by the throat against the wall.

"You were always taking things that didn't belong to you Liam" he raged

"Drusilla was mine, always was" Angel teased

Spike punched Angel across the face "You toyed with her! You drove her insane!"

Angel grinned "my best work"

Angel always knew how to push Spike's buttons "yeah Buffy was mine" Spike said curling his tongue against his teeth

Angel snapped and punched Spike back

"Enough!" Yelled Wesley

The vampires continued to punch and kick each other

Wesley let out a huge sigh "Divido"

As his words were spoken the two vampires flew to opposite ends of the room "Remaneo" Wesley said softly "now I have your attention… Angel I really think you should consider going to this monastery"

"And me?" asked Spike

"I suppose you better go with him too" said Wesley

"You can't be serious" said Angel

"Aw c'mon Angelus it will be a good time, like a road trip" Spike taunted


	2. Chapter 2 - Dead To The World

In Her Hands

A/N:

CHAPTER TWO

'_Dead To The World'_

_*__I have died a hundred times before, your words have ripped out my insides, I've found revenge within my soul, I've tried a thousand times before, to leave my demons behind me for good, I'm trapped with no escape to find*_

Sacramento, CA

Dawn nudged Buffy "Wake up sis" she giggled

Buffy opened her eyes slowly; she'd fallen asleep on the couch in front of the TV "What time is it?"

Dawn checked her watch "A little after one"

"Oh" Buffy said carelessly, she sat up as Dawn flopped down beside her

"You really should've come tonight the band was awesome" said Dawn excitedly "some really cute guys too" she teased

"Maybe next time" Buffy smiled

"Y'know you really should get out more, see your friends"

"I know but with all this homework I'm kinda swamped" she grumbled

"I know you wanna do well Buffy but you can take a night off" Dawn smiled "In fact you're taking the night off! Tomorrow night we're heading to Voltage and we're gunna dance the night away, I think I could twist Willow & Xander's arms to tag along. They miss you"

"I miss them too… okay I'll go but now it's bedtime I've got class early tomorrow"

Dawn nodded and followed her up the stairs.

XXXXX

Buffy looked through her closet _'__it's definitely time to update'_ she thought to herself she settled on a pair of black jeans with an emerald satin sleeveless top teamed with her trusty pair of heel and black leather jacket she was ready to hit the town.

"Buffy are you ready yet?" asked Dawn from the bottom of the stairs

"I'll be down in a minute" she called back whilst putting in a set of earrings

"Hurry up, Willow and Xander are waiting for us" Dawn huffed

"I'm coming, I'm coming…" she Said as she made her appearance

"You look great, c'mon lets go" Dawn said practically pulling her down the stairs

XXXXX

Dawn and Buffy made their way through the crowd to the table that Willow and Xander had reserved for them. "Hey guys" Buffy greeted

"There she is" smiled Willow

"Sup stranger" said Xander

"Sorry I've been a little busy with homework and my new job I'm just neglecting the social life right now" Buffy shrugged

"It's okay, we get it… it's the life of normal gal now. So drinks?" asked Xander

"Perfect! Vodka tonic" smiled Buffy

"Same again Will?"

Willow nodded

"And for you Dawnie?" asked Xander

"Just an ice tea" She smiled gratefully

"So Buff, how's the new job?" asked Willow

"Meh… it's okay I mean it's just an office job, pays the bills until college is over"

"But a software company… that's so cool" Willow beamed

"I'm a receptionist Will not a big wig" she smiled at her geeky friend

"But everybody has to start somewhere right?" Willow smiled back

"Exactly I'm proud of you Buffy" Said Dawn "Okay enough of the talky talky it's time for dancey dancey the band is about to start up"

"Oh yeah I heard about these guys they're really good" said Willow slipping off the stool and joining Dawn to dance.

"I'll sit this one out and wait for Xander to come back with the drinks, see you in a few" said Buffy

With that the redhead and brunette sailed out onto the dance floor as the band played their version of 'Billy Idol – Dancing With Myself'.

"Hey these guys are pretty good huh?" said Xander placing the drinks on the table

"They're alright I guess…" Said Buffy not really focusing

"Y'know it's funny…" Xander trailed off

"What is?" she asked

"Whenever I hear this song I think of Spike"

Buffy smiled briefly "me too"

"I know I wasn't the guy's biggest fan"

Buffy looked at him skeptically

"Okay I didn't like the guy… But it doesn't mean you can't talk about him"

"Why would I do that?" she asked

"Buffy I know how you felt about him, you loved him right?"

Buffy thought for a moment "Yeah I did"

"Look I know I kinda ruined that whole thing for you"

"No Xander-"

"I did, you were too worried about what we would think to even give the guy a real chance"

"Amongst other things…" she smiled a little "it's not like it matters now"

"No but it doesn't change the fact that you're still hurting. See usually you shut us out because there's some evil afoot but now it's for what? Homework? I get it Buffy and so does Willow. We've all lost somebody we loved at one point we wanna help you but we can't do that if you won't let us" he said

"I know, I just wanna keep myself busy, and better myself" she smiled "But I do appreciate it. I love you Xan" she hugged him tightly

"Love you too Buff"

XXXXX

Somewhere on the I-10.

Spike sat in the car with his feet on the dash "so where are we headed"

"Vegas… and get your feet off the dash" Angel snapped

Begrudgingly Spike did as he was told "Vegas eh? So this bloody monastery we're looking for just so happens to be in the gambling capital of the world" he chuckled "This trip might actually be worth it"

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Angel

"Well put it this way if it turns out that it is you that gets the Shanshu, I can drink and gamble myself into oblivion"

"You really think it's you?" Angel asked seriously

"I don't bloody know, I gotta try haven't I?"

"Yeah I guess so"

Spike started fiddling with the radio. after hearing a few lines of Justin Bieber's new pop hit, Spike quickly turned the radio station until a familiar song filled the car _'__On the floor of Tokyo, Or down in London town to go, go…' _

"I'm in hell" Angel groaned as he drove on


	3. Chapter 3 - A Place Where You Belong

In Her Hands

A/N: It's up to Buffy to grant the Shanshu Prophesy to either Angel or Spike, who will she chose? The love of her life Angel or the vampire that's stuck by her side throughout everything. And how will she react when she knows Spike is alive?

CHAPTER THREE

'_A Place Where You Belong'_

_*__Too late, too late, I never said goodbye, too late, too late, can't even ask you why, and now I'm wasting away in my own misery, I hope you've finally gone to a place where you belong*_

Buffy danced away to the beat of the high energy pop song she normally loathed she began to question why she was even dancing. However that being said she was actually enjoying herself, that's when she spotted him from across the room. She'd know him anywhere, he walked over to her the crowd of drunken dancing club goers parted and as he made his way to her side.

"What are you doing here?" she asked

"Not happy to see me then love?" he chuckled

"No it's not that, you just haven't been here in a while" she said sadly

"I'm sorry goldilocks but I have to let you go at some point right?"

Her eyes began to fill with tears "you can't leave me"

"I'll never leave you remember I'm always in here" he place his hand over where her heart was

"I love you" she cried

He smiled sweetly "No you don't, but thanks for saying it" he backed away slowly disappearing into thin air.

Buffy woke with a jolt; she was alone in her bed she sat up. It was still dark outside she sighed heavily and turned her bedside lamp on. Pausing for a moment letting her eyes adjust to the light she slipped out of bed and popped a DVD into the side of her TV and got back into bed with the remote in hand. She pressed play.

_*Spike is stood with a cigarette in his mouth for a moment after taking a drag he takes the cigarette out of his mouth._

"_I thought I told you to piss off with this bloody camera, yet here you are again with that thing in my face. Would you sod off" He flicks the cigarette at Andrew "before I rip your throat out and eat—"_

"_Ok, Spike. The light was kind of behind you" said Andrew"*_

Buffy chuckles at the video

_*Spike looks around "Oh, right. Uh, what? Is this better then? I thought I told you to piss off with this bloody camera, yet here you are again with that thing in my face. Would you sod off—?"*_

As the video fades to black, Buffy sighs once again "Goodbye Spike" she mumbles turning off the TV.

XXXXX

Somewhere on I-15

Angel and Spike had been driving for a few hours now and Spike wanted a turn at the wheel, getting fed up of Angel's 'Nancy boy driving skills'. They swapped 20 miles back and Angel was sleeping in the backseat. Spike looked through the rear view mirror at him. "Pfft" he sighed "this prophesy is mine" he mumbled to himself

"I wouldn't bet on it William" said Angel waking up.

"Ah sleeping beauty is finally awake to keep me company and seeing as how I don't know where the hell I'm going other than Vegas I need a bit of direction here Peaches"

"You need to head to the Bunkhouse Saloon" he replied

"You have got to be joking mate" snapped Spike

"What?" asked Angel clearly getting irritated

"Oh that's right you weren't there, you'd been souled up by then. Me and Dru in the late 60's gave that place a right thrashing" said Spike fondly

"So what's the problem?" Angel huffed

"Well I heard through the grapevine there was some demon down there that wasn't too happy about it basically wants my head on a stick"

"Y'know I think I'm gunna love this place" Angel smiled

"Git"

XXXXX

Buffy woke the next morning feeling a little out of sorts. She drifted down to the kitchen where Dawn stood at the stove making pancakes.

"Morning Buffy" Dawn said cheerfully

"Morning" she replied going in the fridge and pulling the carton of orange juice out and pouring herself a glass.

"Funny shapes or rounds?" asked Dawn

"Uh I think I better skip the pancakes Dawnie, I need to get to class soon"

"Uh-Huh… so last night was fun" smiled Dawn

"Yeah it was great seeing the guys"

"See I told you, it's exactly what you needed. I was thinking maybe we should make it a weekly thing or maybe have the guys over for dinner or something?"

"Uh-Huh" said Buffy not paying attention

"And then maybe I'll drop out of school and become an exotic dancer" Dawn said making fun of the fact Buffy clearly wasn't listening

"Okay… wait what?!"

"So you are in there… what's up?"

Buffy paused for a moment "Just some whacky dream about Spike"

"Oh well I thought you didn't have them anymore?"

"I figured they'd stopped but I guess not"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah but I'm gunna do what I should've done a while ago"

"And that being?"

"I'm gunna go back to the crater formally known as Sunnydale and say goodbye, then I can move on y'know"

"I think that's smart" Dawn nodded "and I can come with… something you gotta do alone?"

"Yep, I'm gunna call my professors tell them I'm sick so they'll email me work and drive up there later"

"You sure you wanna do this?"

"Yeah, and Dawnie can you get rid of this for me please?" Buffy asked handing her the DVD

"Uh I dunno are you sure? This has been sorta your comfort blanket for a year" said Dawn worriedly

"Yeah well gotta let go at some point right?"

XXXXX

Bunkhouse Saloon, Las Vegas

Spike pulled up outside the bar and cringed a little at some of the flash backs he had.

"What's wrong Spikey? That pesky soul of yours acting up?" asked Angel

"Bore off" growled Spike

They both got out of the car and walked into the bar. It was a little dingy and a little dirty but what rock n roll joint downtown Las Vegas wasn't? Angel walked up to the bar and the attractive blonde behind soon came over

"What can I get you guys?" she asked

"Its okay Mindy their here to see me" said a familiar voice

Angel and Spike turned to see Faith

"What's up boys?" she smirked

"Faith…"

"You dragged me 265 miles and a six hour drive to visit the rogue slayer?" groaned Spike

"Nice to see you too Blondie, say didn't you die?" she frowned in confusion

"Surely you should know by now nobody stays dead for long" he smirked

"Does B know?"

"No!" said Angel and Spike in unison

"Sorry I asked" she sighed "So what can I do for you?"

"Well I…" Spike nudged him "We need a favour"

"Step into my office" she said gesturing to the back of the bar.


	4. Chapter - All These Things

In Her Hands

A/N: It's up to Buffy to grant the Shanshu Prophesy to either Angel or Spike, who will she chose? The love of her life Angel or the vampire that's stuck by her side throughout everything. And how will she react when she knows Spike is alive?

CHAPTER FOUR

'_All These Things I Hate'_

_*Once more I say goodbye, to you, things happen but we don't really know why, if it's supposed to be like this, why do most of us ignore the chance to miss? torn apart at the seams and my dreams turn to tears, I'm not feeling this situation, run away try to find a safe place you can hide, It's the best place to be when you're feeling like...Me...*_

Somewhere on the I-5

Buffy had been driving for a few hours, she knew that driving back to what once was Sunnydale would finally close that chapter of her life and she'd be able to move on. She didn't want to forget though, she'd made so many friends in that town and she'd lost too many people she cared about. She turned on the radio for a bit of company _"__You're listening to 96.8 Smooth Radio, it's just after 7pm and we've got a classic for you now, enjoy"_ the cheery voice of the radio DJ came blaring out

_*__Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road  
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go  
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why  
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time_

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,  
I hope you had the time of your life*

Buffy sat listening to the lyrics intently

_*So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind  
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time  
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial  
For what it's worth it was worth all the while_

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,  
I hope you had the time of your life*

As Buffy drove along the highway she had flash backs from Sunnydale, her first meetings with Giles, Willow, Xander and Cordelia. To her first kiss with Angel, from every battle she won. To the deaths of those she loved most her Mom, Tara, Anya and Spike's face popped into her mind he was smiling such a happy smile

_*It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,  
I hope you had the time of your life._

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,  
I hope you had the time of your life*

It was at the end of the song though her face was tear stained she knew she was doing the right thing.

XXXXX

Spike and Angel sat in front of Faith who sat stunned in her seat "whoa, that's some pretty huge sitch you vamps got there. So why do you need me?" she asked

"Well we need a little help locating the monastery…" Angel told her

"Help as in how?" asked Faith

"Uh the thing is…" said Angel looking at Spike

"Don't look at me" said Spike

"C'mon Angel spit it out"

"We kinda sorta need your blood" he told her

"What?... what is it about these prophesies and rituals that need my blood? Damn why can't you ask B?"

"She doesn't know Spike's alive, we wanna keep it that way" said Angel

"You guys owe me. Big!" she said

"Thank you Faith" Angel smiled

"Anything for my two favourite vamps" she smiled "come back later and I'll hook you up"

XXXXX

The crater formally known as Sunnydale, CA

Buffy parked further back from the crater, since she left almost five years ago a barrier was erected to stop people from falling to their deaths. The media frenzy surrounding the freak earthquake that destroyed a whole town into nothing slowly died down. People from nearby towns told the story of the bus load of people that had managed to get out alive, but they were never identified. Buffy remembered all the news casts about her former place of residence like it were yesterday. Slowly she got out of the car and walked over to the barrier that surrounded the crater.

She managed to scale the metal fence and jump over the other side, nearing the edge she stopped. She closed her eyes for a moment as the memories drifted over her.

*"I'm new. I'm Buffy." She smiled sweetly

"Xander. Is me. Hi" he smiled awkwardly*

Sweet, kind and caring Xander. He never seemed to change much, excluding the eye patch he pretty much was the same. Buffy's heart and man did that explain a lot.

*"Oh! I would kill to live in L.A. Being that close to that many shoes…" Cordelia was the girl she once was back in Hemery. Throughout the years she too had gone through so many changes and had become quite the woman or so Angel had told her.

"I know what you're after"

Giles leads her to the check-out desk by the door

He pulls a book out and slides it toward Buffy "VAMPYR"

"That's not what I'm looking for"

Giles never really seem to change much, he was still her father figure despite the fact they'd had their disagreements, they'd made peace before he flew back to London to set up the Watchers Council again.

"Uh, hi. Willow, right?"

"Why? I mean Hi. Did you want me to move?"

"Why don't we start with "hi, I'm Buffy."

Willow was probably the one that had changed the most through her transition from being a nerdy girl to a 'truck driving magic momma' she'd done so well for herself Buffy was so proud to call her her friend.

Buffy's thoughts were broken by a hand slipping into hers.

"Hey" he said

"What are you doing here?" she asked

"You're saying goodbye to your past right? I was a big part of it I guess that's why I'm here"

"I miss you Angel" she said softly

"I miss you too" he smiled at her

"This is something I have to do you understand that right?" she asked

"Of course, you need to move on"

"Right…"

"I'll be seeing you…" he kissed her cheek and disappeared into thin air.

Buffy woke on the back seat of her car "How did I get here?" she asked herself "Okay now I'm officially crazy" she sighed collecting her thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5 - Bittersweet Memories

In Her Hands

A/N: It's up to Buffy to grant the Shanshu Prophesy to either Angel or Spike, who will she chose? The love of her life Angel or the vampire that's stuck by her side throughout everything. And how will she react when she knows Spike is alive?

CHAPTER FIVE

'Bittersweet Memories'

*You turn me off at the push of a button

And you pretend that I don't mean nothing

I'm not a saint that's easy to tell

But guess what honey you ain't no angel*

Angel and Spike alongside Faith stood in the middle of the desert.

"Are you sure it's here?" Asked Faith

"According to Wes... He's never wrong" sighed Angel

"Okay so what happens now? I make with the bleeding then what?"

"You spill a few droplets of blood on to the earth, I say the incantation, the monastery appears and Spike and I go in find out who gets the prophesy..." Said Angel

"Right then let's get this show on the road" smirked Spike surveying the area

"Look I'm all for you being a real boy but what if Blondie gets the mojo?" Whispered Faith

"Then it was meant to be, this prophesy is hundreds of years old" said Angel

"But all your good deeds will go unrewarded"

"That's the thing about redemption Faith, maybe there is no reward. You know that"

"C'mon let's do this thing before the sun comes up and we get dusty" Spike complained

"Ready?" Asked Angel

Faith nodded and slit the palm of her hand with a knife

"Monasterium surgere populum, in lucem veritas" Angel spoke the incantation. "Sit fortissimus vivere"

"Rise monastery of the people; let the truth come to light" Spike spoke "let the champion live"

The sandy earth began to tremble and crack, as a huge building pushed its way to the surface.

"Whoa" Spike gasped

"Pretty bitchin' huh?" Faith smiled "Slayer blood is a pretty powerful thing"

"You're not wrong" Spike smiled

"Good luck" Said Faith walking away from the vampires

"Are you ready for this?" Asked Spike

"Ready as I'll ever be" Angel told him, as they both walked up to the monastery

XXXXX

Buffy walked through the door of her apartment to find her sister and her friend gathered around the kitchen table "hey guys" she smiled

"You're back!" Dawn hollered pulling her sister into a hug

"Yeah" Buffy smiled embracing her

"How was it?" Asked Willow

Buffy sighed heavily "Uh not easy" she admitted "Just going back there gave me the wiggins, I mean it's just a crater now and it still gives off that evil vibe, and once you get past that it's just filled with memories" she bit her lip to stop herself from crying

"I wish you would have told us you were going Buff" said Xander

"I would've but... It was something I had to do on my own y'know, just get it outta my system" she smiled

"Well I'm glad you're back, one of the baby slayers called apparently there's been some sort of magical disturbance in Vegas" said Dawn

"Vegas? That's Faith's jurisdiction..." Buffy told her

"Yeah but she couldn't get hold of her, one of the slayers down there said she was on a secret mission" said Dawn

"Oh... Okay uh I'll see if I can reach her, if not I guess it's another road trip to Vegas" Buffy sighed

XXXXX

Angel and Spike walked along the candle lit corridor for what seemed like hours. Finally they reached a door with carvings of demons and slayers over it; it seemed as if the carvings told a story.

"Weird" said Angel studying the door

"What is?" Asked Spike

"The carvings... They seem awfully familiar to me"

"Right... Well the door isn't gunna open itself" said Spike going ahead and giving the door a shove.

As the door burst open, several demons snapped their heads to look in their direction

"Oh very smart" Angel groaned as they came rushing towards them.

"I didn't know there'd be demons did I?!" Spike groaned.

One of the demons swung a sword in Spike's direction he managed to block it and disarm his opponent, before several more demons attacked him

Angel wasn't doing much better he was surrounded by four of them, he did as only he knew and threw a series of punches followed by roundhouse kick after roundhouse kick. It seemed these demons were surely getting the better of the pair of vampires on the road to redemption.

XXXXX

Faith walked back to her truck and got inside she noticed her cell phone flash, she had a few missed calls of some of the girls she was training... And Buffy.

"Well that can't be good" she said to herself, calling Buffy back.

"Hey B" she greeted

"Faith where are you? The girls are worried said you haven't checked in" Faith could hear the panic in Buffy's voice

"It's all good, I'm fine. What's up?" She asked

"Uh one of the girls called and said that there had been a magical disturbance, an earthquake but definitely of the magical variety. What's going on?" Buffy asked

"Okay B I'm gunna have to ask you to calm down a little okay? There was a magical disturbance, I was the disturber okay? There is nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about alright?" Faith reassured

"You were the magical disturber? Why?" She asked

"A friend needed a favour" she told her

"What kind of favour? Are you evil again?"

Faith laughed "No, it was Angel I had to help him out with something."

"Angel?"

"Don't worry everything is under control. Now I've gotta get back to slayer central and give those girls a talk about what 'only call Buffy in emergencies mean' okay?"

"Okay... Faith just be careful"

"I will goodnight B" Faith hung up the phone. She desperately wanted to tell her about Angel and the fact that Spike was alive but she had been sworn to secrecy by Spike and perhaps he had a good reason, because if he didn't she knew that Buffy would go all kinds of Jackie Chan on his ass.

XXXXX

Spike had just got done beheading his last demon, whilst Angel lay battered and surrounded by body parts of the demons they'd just taken out. Spike slumped to the floor.

"Well not that, that wasn't fun but I don't wanna do it again" Spike sighed

"Right there with ya" Angel groaned sitting up.

"So we just came for a beat down? Makes a change from the last time we went on this mission we just beat the hell out of each other" Said Spike

"I remember" said Angel wincing at the gash that ran along his torso.

"You're looking in bad shape mate"

"I'm fine, let's just get this over with" he said as he staggered to his feet

"I'd say it's pretty much just the beginning" said a woman dressed in white with a radiant light around her.

XXXXX

"So did Buffy tell you what Faith helped Angel with?" Asked Xander

"Nope she didn't say, is he still working for that evil law firm?" Asked Dawn

"As far as we know" said Willow

"Maybe we should look into it" said Xander

"You don't trust him?" Asked Willow

"He's not exactly got a good track record when it comes to not being evil" he reminded them.

"Neither has Faith" Dawn raised an eyebrow

"Good point maybe we should find out what's going on" said Willow.

XXXXX

Angel stood in awe at the figure before him "Cordy?"

"Hey" she smiled

"What is going on?" He asked

"So I guess when I said one last job for the powers that be was a little incorrect. I'm your spirit guide"

"Spirit guide? For what?"

"Where's my sodding spirit guide!" Spike complained

"Same old Spike" a familiar voice was heard

"Glinda?" He asked

Tara stood beside Cordelia both of them looking beautiful as ever.

"Answered your question Spike?" Asked Cordelia. "Now c'mon we've got a few things to show you before you see him"

"Him? Who's him?" Asked Angel following them into another room with a large baptismal font in the centre of the room that lit the room with it bright white light.

"What the bloody hell is this?" Asked Spike

"It's a baptismal font full of the worst things the two of you have ever done. One memory is picked out by your subconscious and replayed to yourself" said Tara

"And what's that gunna do?" Asked Angel

"Make things clear" smiled Cordelia "Who's first?"

Angel sighed heavily "Me"

XXXXX

Willow, Xander and Dawn sat around the kitchen table with various books and snacks scattered around them. Buffy entered the apartment with her school books under her arm.

"Whatcha doing?" She asked

Immediately Xander and Dawn shut their books and Willow closed her laptop "Nothing" they replied in unison

"Well that pretty much means something doesn't it" she said moving closer to the kitchen table and picking up a book "The Encyclopaedia of the Occult?" Buffy raised an eyebrow.

"What's that doing here?" Xander asked nervously

Buffy proceeded to pick up another book and read the title aloud "A book of Pagan Rituals? Guys what's going on?"

"Angel's evil!" Xander blurted

"What?" Buffy asked

"Jump the gun much Xander!" Willow threw him a look "He's not evil at least we don't think so, we're just trying to work out what he asked Faith to do, y'know seeing as how she's being all secretive maybe there's something we should know" Willow babbled

Buffy sighed "Maybe you're right..." She took a seat "What do you have so far?"

XXXXX

Angel stepped up to the font "now what?" He asked

"Look deep into the light" said Cordelia

As he looked into the font he saw glimpses and flashes of his past bad deeds, then one became clear.

*Romany 1898*

Angelus lay on a bed, with red silk threads. He lay still and thoughtful, Darla burst through the door with a young girl in her clutches.

"Hello lover" she smiled "I brought you a gift" she threw the girl over to him

She whimpered as she fell on to the bed next to him.

"Darla my love, how sweet" he licked his lips seductively. He slipped into his vamp face and slid his fangs into the girl's neck, she cried out until he had drained her of life.

*The Next Evening*

Angel and the rest of his group had been hunted down by the gypsy family of the girl he killed the previous night, he ran through a wood until he reached the camp, where the young girl's body lay dressed in white with rose petals covering her lifeless body. He panted hard, as he fell to his feet in front of the bonfire in the middle of the camp. They had chased him there.

"Nici mort, nici al fiinţei, Te invoc spirit al trecerii. Redă trupului ce separe omul de animal" the elder woman spoke with her hands cast above an orb "asa sa fie"

Angelus stared over at the elder woman as she continued to chant.

"Utrespur aceastui" she chanted.

The orb glowed brightly for a few seconds then faded to black.

*Present Date*

Angel stepped back tears streaming down his face. He gasped as he felt the pain of the young girl's family.

"Angel..." Said Cordelia "Did you see what you needed to?" She asked

"Yes" he sobbed.

"Spike you're next..." Tara smiled thinly

Spike stepped up to the font, again glimpses and flashes of his bad deeds floated around in the font, as his vision became clearer.

*Sunnydale 2002*

Spike slipped in through Buffy's front door, and heard the water running upstairs. He placed his leather duster at the bottom of the hand rail and headed upstairs.

He braced himself before opening the door, with a sigh he opened it. And saw Buffy clutching her back.

"You hurt? You're not moving so well" he noticed

Buffy sighed as she stood by the sink "Get out" she spat not making eye contact with him

"We have to talk" he said closing the door behind him

"I really don't" she managed to look at him. If looks could stake he'd be a goner.

"Well this isn't just about you... As much as you'd like it to be"

"You spoke. I listened. Now leave" she said crossing her arms over her chest

Spike sighed a little "I'm sorry. Not that it matters anymore, but I needed you to know that"

"Why?" She asked

"Because I care about you"

"Then you might wanna try the not sleeping with my friends"

"I didn't go to Anya for that. I was looking for a spell"

"You were gunna use a spell on me?!" She asked completely outraged.

"It wasn't for you! I wanted something" he placed his hand on his chest "anything to make these feelings stop! I just wanted it to stop!"

Buffy looked taken aback by his comments

"You should have let him kill me" he sighed

"I couldn't do that" she said softly

"Why?" He asked

"You know why" she said moving toward the tub

"Because you love me"

"No I don't" she said harshly, turning the taps off

"Why do you keep lying to yourself?" He asked

"How many times-" she quickly composed herself "I have feelings for you, I do. But it's not love, I could never trust you enough for it to be love"

Spike laughs "Trust is for old marrieds, Buffy. Great love is wild and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes"

"Until there's nothing left, love like that doesn't last!"

"I know you feel like I do" he paces around her "you don't have to hide it anymore"

"Spike, please stop this" she rolls her eyes

He puts his hands on her waist and pulls her towards him, immediately Buffy resists

"No..."

"You love me"

"Ow, no. Stop it" she tries to push him away.

They struggle as Spike tries to kiss and grope Buffy.

"Spike, what are you-"

Buffy loses her balance and cracks her back on the edge of the tub.

"Ow" Buffy cried out "Spike I'm hurt!"

She fell to the floor, groaning in pain. Spike climbs on top of her still trying to kiss her as she continues to fight him off.

"Let it go, let yourself love me" he pleaded

Buffy slides onto her stomach trying to get towards the door, but Spike pins her down preventing her from getting to the door.

"No! Stop it" Buffy cried

"I know you felt it... When I was inside you" he said still tugging on her robe.

"No, ow, Spike please" she sobbed "Please Spike please"

"You'll feel it again Buffy"

"Please don't do this" she sobs even more

"I'm gunna make you feel it" he said ripping the front of her robe open

"Stop!" Buffy screams, with one last surge of slayer strength she sends him crashing into the sink and the wall, she scrambled to her feet closing the front of her robe.

Spike climbs to his feet.

"Ask me again why I could never love you" she sobbed, shaking in fear.

Suddenly Spike realises what he's done "Buffy, my god. I didn't-"

"Because I stopped you!" She said through gritted teeth "something I should've done a long time ago"

Tears run down Buffy's face, as Spike stands in front of her looking horrified at what he just tried to do.

*Present Date*

Spike fell to his knees, shaking with emotion.

"Spike..." Tara laid a hand on his shoulder. "C'mon" she gave him a reassuring smile.

Spike looked over at Angel, he still looked the same as when he finished his trip down memory lane.

"Are you okay?" Asked Angel

"M' fine, let's get this over with" said Spike wiping the tears from his eyes.

XXXXX

"Maybe we should just call Angel, see if he's evil?" Dawn pouted slamming down yet another useless book.

"Good idea Dawnie, nothing says we're on to you like a 'hey are you evil?' Conversation" Buffy quipped

"Y'know that's not such a bad idea" said Willow

Buffy raised an eyebrow

"Not calling Angel but maybe calling Wesley or Fred?"

"And you think they'll give us the info we need?" Asked Xander

"Worth a shot?" Willow shot him her resolve face picking up the phone.


End file.
